So there I was, sitting at the computer drawing cow udders in MS Paint, minding my own business. All of a sudden I get a friendly instant message from a stranger:

paulftfw (8:35:08 PM): ur a pussy
Brian (8:36:24 PM): You must be a teenager.
paulftfw (8:36:32 PM): no im 19
paulftfw (8:36:42 PM): u must be a queer
Brian (8:36:44 PM): Ha!
Brian (8:36:53 PM): Well, then, you're still a teenager, my friend
Brian (8:37:11 PM): sharp as a tack, too, I see
paulftfw (8:37:20 PM): yea but im an adult who are u pussy and where u from
paulftfw (8:38:35 PM): are u a niger
paulftfw (8:38:56 PM): nigger
Brian (8:40:57 PM): you're funny
Brian (8:41:02 PM): I think I'll put you on my web site
paulftfw (8:41:04 PM): haha right fucker
Brian (8:41:22 PM): so the whole world can see what a charmer you are
paulftfw (8:41:31 PM): ok douche
Brian (8:42:50 PM): you're wonderful
Brian (8:43:13 PM): I have no doubt that you're going to be one of those rare individuals who makes the world a better place
paulftfw (8:43:31 PM): ok quit messagein me im about to c some tits

Normally I just post these and run, but I have an exam tomorrow, so let's analyze this. Break that sucker down.

Section I

paulftfw (8:35:08 PM): ur a pussy
bri270 (8:36:24 PM): You must be a teenager.

He begins by calling me feminine, which is only true when I'm playing sports. Right away I know that he has no clue who I am. He obviously just wants to tango. I haven't danced in a while, so I take the bait and go for the obvious: this guy's thick as a post and almost as bright.

Section II

paulftfw (8:36:32 PM): no im 19
paulftfw (8:36:42 PM): u must be a queer
bri270 (8:36:44 PM): Ha!
bri270 (8:36:53 PM): Well, then, you're still a teenager, my friend
bri270 (8:37:11 PM): sharp as a tack, too, I see

I was right. Complete bozo. Scratch that, Bozo the Clown was a good man, and this moron could make Henry VIII look like a virgin preschool teacher. So, I continue to block his shots and throw on mild insults that he probably didn't get.

Section III

paulftfw (8:37:20 PM): yea but im an adult who are u pussy and where u from
paulftfw (8:38:35 PM): are u a niger
paulftfw (8:38:56 PM): nigger
bri270 (8:40:57 PM): you're funny

He's knows he's beat. He begins to notice his mistakes and corrects one of them. I begin a second assault.

Section IV

bri270 (8:41:02 PM): I think I'll put you on my web site
paulftfw (8:41:04 PM): haha right fucker
bri270 (8:41:22 PM): so the whole world can see what a charmer you are
paulftfw (8:41:31 PM): ok douche

Well, he started it. Now he seems confused and wants to bail. I've won. He knows he's an idiot and wants to move on.

Section V

bri270 (8:42:50 PM): you're wonderful
bri270 (8:43:13 PM): I have no doubt that you're going to be one of those rare individuals who makes the world a better place
paulftfw (8:43:31 PM): ok quit messagein me im about to c some tits

This is the best part. If you read it slowly and listen, you can hear the Mortal Kombat "FATALITY!" Good bye, little rat. His departing words are the best.

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