or "Grab Your Umbrellas Or Hit The Back Button", because I'm going to get mushy.

I love my wife. She is the greatest girl in the Western Hemisphere. She loves me more than anything and never lets me forget it—whether she's checking my nose for boogers or hugging me during late night homework sessions. She's cute and sweet. She's my Cutie Pie, my Sweet Face, my Shmoopsie-Poo. I mean, just look at her.

Gorgeous. Of course, I don't love her simply because she looks like a supermodel. She has other qualities. Like talking on the phone.

Perfection.

I'm only joking, you know. It's hard to tell you how great my wife really is. But I'll try. For example, sometimes my temper can get the best of me, but Lindsey knows how to cool me off and get me back on the track to my senses. She's always kind and has the best temperament of anyone I've met. She counterbalances me with her optimism and always has the right outlook on every situation. She also gives great surprises. Like Leo Kottke tickets, 5th Avenue candy bars, midnight milkshakes, and other things that will remain secrets.

Secrets are something I like having, because they're fun to have with Lindsey. It's great to be with this person that knows everything about me. We have secrets about each other, and about all other things—memories and inside jokes, crude things even! It's great to have a girl who can appreciate being stupid and silly. This is another quality Lindsey excels in demonstrating. She understands my burping and farting, and even joins in occasionally. What? That's gross? Grow some perspective™. Lindsey can sing "Whoop There It Is" and move right into "Bohemian Rhapsody". She'll act like a dark cynic and then use baby talk about a puppy she saw while riding in the car. One time she was lying on the bed, and when I looked over she was picking her nose. She simply stared back at me and said, "I love you!"

Yep, that's her. That's my Lindsey Pop, my Lindsoid, Lindzorz. I'll be lying in bed asleep. Suddenly I awake to the sound of her voice. When I look at her, she's talking in her sleep. She says things like, "I don't like purple shoes," and, "This peppermint is not the right size," and, "Stop licking me," followed by boisterous laughter.

Look, she's even cute in her driver's license. She looks like a news anchor. "Tonight on Lindsey Hathcock Live we have a very exciting exclusive look at Star Wars: Episode VII with Harrison Ford, George Lucas, and Mark Hammill. Bob Dylan will also be joining us to talk about his new radio show, an upcoming album, and who will be joining him on tour in 2007. Finally, J.D. Salinger will speak with us if time permits."

In my dreams, I reckon. But that's just the thing! Who needs dreams with a mate like her? Not me, unless we move into more questionable content.

Anyways, in a nutshell, Lindsey is the cutest cute that ever cuted. I love being with her and look forward to all things we hope to do together. I see beach trips and Christmas mornings. I see mountain hikes, road trips, concerts, movies, family get-togethers, and countless adventures of discovering everything. Whatever happens, we will have love and laughter. Lindsey is great. I love her.

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