And for not having to clean up the church after our wedding. Get this: our parents not only paid for the wedding, but had to clean up after it, too. I hope I don't grow up to be a major league sucker like they.

We have entered Day Three of our honeymoon. Although tornados may have sucked us away to Oz by the time this post is magically published, it's probably safe to wager that we're enjoying our time in Nags Head. By now we've gorged on pizza, saltwater, and each other, and we're being lazy in the sun on the second story hammock.

It's time to tell you—I'm not coming back. Carlyn, take care of my cats; you can have my Star Wars figures and computer. Dad, Mom, thanks for raising me. I guess you guys may come visit sometime, if you want. If Jason ever tries to contact me again, give him back his Indiana Jones triology. He can keep Half-Life.