It seems as though I've always had problems with organized religion, even when I was small. I remember when I was little thinking how strange it was that everybody came and did the same things over and over in all the same ways every single time. Not to mention how incredibly boring it was. And church didn't even seem to be about love; it was about going through a routine, not breaking from it to talk about things, dressing up in acceptable ways, giving money, and trying not to offend old people by speaking your mind or asking questions. Meet for an hour, do these things, leave. What if I have a problem? Will all these people even care? The only time these things seemed to disappear in the least was around Christmas, which probably added to the joy of it.

(That, of course, is not the case everywhere. Some churches are worthy, with sincere people.)

I'm talking about this because Lindsey and I just found out that we are not allowed to dance during the reception at her church. Here is what we were written:

While dancing in and of itself is fine - the venue where it takes place is an issue.

About 4 years ago a wedding reception was held here and there were just a few dances - daughter and dad - son and mom - and it caused major problems among the membership.

You guys want to do more than that which would cause greater issues.

While we do not want to be legalistic - because the reception is being held here at the church we cannot be a stumbling block [to] others in faith.

Short answer - there can be no dancing bacause [sic] of the venue - we do [not] feel it would be appropriate.

Instantaneous headache, right?

The elders of the church do not want us to dance because the church "cannot be a stumbling block to others in faith." If dancing causes a problem for people and their faith, then they have much larger personal issues to deal with. The apologetic first sentence is virtually meaningless because of what follows. Anyway, I understand and agree that raunchy hip swaying, jiggling and jiving are not quite appropriate for this—and that's not what we want; there will be no junk shaking—but not even allowing the bride and groom's first dance? That is ridiculous. Father-daughter, mother-son, and the bride and groom's first dance caused major problems among the membership? [Contemplative, perplexed pause] That's the sort of info that makes people wish to never even go to your church—if you can't use some sense, and you just continue to loyally stick to crazy certitudes. Insane. Inane. Laughable. I've seen so many problems within churches. The church I attended as a youth split because of the purchase of new hymnals. It also experienced the same stupid division over a choir director. Other churches divide because of similar things, things that aren't important enough to cause such problems. Explain to me what is wrong with the father-daughter dance. Lindsey is going to dance with her father during her wedding reception. Thirty years from now I want her to think back on that moment and be happy. I will not let you take that away because of some silly restrictions.

Needless to say, we're moving the reception. We will not be controlled in this idiotic way on our wedding day. I will not let this irrationality represent me to my family and others visiting the church. Our wedding and the party afterward will be how we want them. I can see it now. "Watch out fellow Christianites, they're slow dancing!" [Woman's scream] [Several faint] "Run!"

I kill me.

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