I know I probably made some of you mad by insulting something you like in yesterday's garble. Can garble be used as a noun? I don't care. Anyway, I'm sorry if you became angry because of what I said, but I still feel the same way about everything. I'm sure others would consider many of the things I like just as stupid. The only difference is that I don't care. It's not going to anger me if you attack things I favor (or my beliefs, opinions, or anything else for that matter). So, again if I angered you by insulting something you like, I'm sorry, but I still think it's just plain stupid. That doesn't mean I think you're stupid. ...Unless you defend your hip hop adoption to the point of insult or injury.

The rave about television and music was just one of a hundred examples I could discuss. I guess I decided to go off on it yesterday because that was a very common one. It just makes me mad... how people can care so much for fleeting, trivial things. Yes, I like some television shows, and movies, and various other things. But, they're not that important to me. That should be obvious from the rate at which I change the reading/watching/playing/listening boxes over there. Sometimes one will be there for months, simply because I don't think to change it, or I haven't been listening (or whatever) to anything new. I only have them there to provide some quick insight.

I rarely watch TV. A lot of the time I'll watch news, or maybe an old episode of The Simpsons, or a movie. I've never gotten wrapped up in a television series, though. I remember when The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were so incredibly popular. I never understood it. I don't see how you can center your day around a prime time half-hour commercial. Some shows are alright, I guess. The same goes for music. MTV and the radio make me want to vomit, but I can sit here all day and listen to Bob Dylan or Bad Religion. I have at least 250 songs on my computer that are there solely for nostalgia purposes. Insert another random thought right here.

Why not apply my intelligence and effort towards politics or some honorable organization? This was the question of someone who will remain unidentified. She asked me this after reading my silly rant yesterday. First, I'm not very intelligent. Second, politics is just as messed up as everything else, probably more so. I don't want any part of it. It seems as if there is a scandal every other week. It's hard to trust anyone in politics. What are most politicians but well-educated actors? I think Bush is merely a frontman (I also doubt he's truly a Christian, or that he cares very much about most things). I admire the few that really care for their fellow man and want only to make a positive difference. It's difficult (impossible?) to know what really goes on in Washington. Who knows the surprising truths being hidden from citizens? We're kept in the dark.

Maybe after I retire I'll run for mayor of Norwood. That made me laugh.

I know I ramble on like crazy. After I go back and read what I've written it will probably seem senseless. I won't change it, though. What will twenty people care?

I think part of the reason I'm sort of depressed is because of my physicality. I've been having several problems, one of which has been painful. I'm also not in shape and I have stretch marks. I don't know why I got them; I've been the same size for years. When I went to the doctor last week I weighed 148 pounds. Some are on my hips, some are on my lower sides. It saddens me when I see them... I don't think anyone will ever love me again. That's something else I worry about sometimes. I'm not saying these things for pity. I don't like when people have pity for me, so don't. I know people that whine all the time in hope for attention and/or pity. Don't think I'm trying to do that at all. I'm not. I've felt like this for a long time. I never told anyone about it. I never tell anyone about it. You know I hardly talk to anyone unless spoken to first. That's just the way I am. I've never asked for any extra attention. I'm usually quiet. I was very depressed in 12th grade and the only person I ever talked to about it for those two months was my best friend at the time. I keep things under wraps, mostly. I'm writing it in here for reflection, so I'll remember it and learn from it. Maybe it'll explain to a few people why I haven't been as talkative lately. I don't want any pity, save it for people that really need it. All I want is understanding. Things could be a lot worse. I could have no legs at all. I shouldn't even be concerned about a few lines, or love handles, or whatever. It won't matter when I'm old, or dead.

There will be some people (females I'm speaking of here) that will read the above paragraph and have their entire perception of me changed because they now know I don't have an ideal body. It's the truth. Some girls would read those few sentences and leave right then. Isn't that sad? Pity those people.

I like being alone. So, worrying about finding someone isn't that big of a concern right now. It may be later, though. What if I regret not trying to find someone now? Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Or something like that. I turned twenty-two last week. I realize I'm still just a child. My mind and heart are still young. I still have a few hopes and dreams yet to be trounced. In ten years I may look back at these writings and wonder how I could have ever been so stupid. I should be thankful for what I have, what I haven't, and not carry on as such. But, for right now, for whatever reasons, I just don't feel too swell.

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.                                                       —Ralph Waldo Emerson