It's hard to sit Indian-style when I'm on the toilet.

We appease our senses, but not our rationality. I'll explain later when I have more time.

I had a nice example about a bowl and a factory, but I forgot. Use your imagination and figure something nice. Anyway, we listen to our emotions and trust our senses over rationality a lot. Since I forgot my example, I'll make a new, very bad one: ...I can't think of it. Just forget it. No, here: when a news story acts as propaganda for some emotional cause. It builds up the story and gives you "facts" and figures and examples of something that's just horrible, or the opposite, incredibly wonderful. But, we latch on to the emotional or sensual aspects of it and ignore or fail to consider the logical things associated. Blah.

Sam left me bruised, confused, and indifferent. I think I'm finally back to who I was. Parts of me wish I had never met her, but I can't let myself feel that way; it would be unhealthy for a number of reasons.

I apologize to my friends for being absent the past many weeks. I'm also sorry for misplacing my time during the relationship I had with Samantha. I made the mistake of devoting all of my time, energy, thought, and affection to her. I will never make that mistake again. Please listen, young people: Don't make a girlfriend or boyfriend your main occupation. This only sets you up for heartbreak and misery. One must devote oneself to variety. Focus can be on many things, but if too much attention is paid to a single one it prepares a person for unhappiness.

I apologize to the geneal public for my horrible poems over the past several months. I liked my other poems better, the abstract, antirhythmic statements. "Love" can make you do silly things that demonstrate what sort of nincompoop you can be. I would like to say the following is the last of it's stupid kind, but I can't guarantee. It'll be the last on this subject, though. I wrote it just after Sam stopped talking to me in May.

Never

If I could darken the night further I surely would
I hear your voice now and know you've never understood
Anything that is me, on the surface, or inside
Though you never knew it, your feelings were a lie

I can't describe the agony, the anguish within
All the time spent now lost again
You abide with me only in my memory
and dreams that displace my sleep

I yearn to revive those moments and never find their ends
Never suffering the knowledge of the pain that impends
Of you leaving me unanswered and alone
Drowning in sorrow, tears on the telephone

I'm embarrassed by it, but I'm posting it because I believe in honest representation. I'm no idiot, but I can write some truly idiotic things. So, lastly, I apologize to my future self.

Brian of the Future,
        Sorry about all this.  I hope you're doing a much better job of being you than I.  How's Gig?

                                     Sincerely,
                                        Brian of the Present Past

P.S. I received a “Wish You Were Here” postcard from 1997 Brian.

Sandra Bullock has to be one of the most beautiful women. (Notice the period.) She's not the best actress in the world, and most of the movies she's been in aren't Oscar worthy, but I figured it's time for me to like someone based only on his or her looks. She is it. I can't even really pinpoint the reason. I've always liked dark hair and eyes, so that may be a part of it. I don't know how synthetic that nose is, but it's a nice addition to her already pleasant facial structure. Whatever the reason, she's gorgeous as far as I'm concerned. I know I don't normally write entries like this, but I'm newly single and in my sexual prime, so I'm allowed to be attracted.

I don't hate all of the movies she's in. A Time To Kill (8/10) is a good movie, although her role is minimal. I didn't hate Speed (7/10) either. The question is: if she were to not look the way she does, would she still be a movie star? Meryl Streep isn't the prototypical beauty, but she's an excellent actor. Sandra Bullock isn't that good, but I wonder how she would've faired if she had been less attractive. I guess our entertainment isn't worth very much when you consider the fact that a person's appearance is worth most on the grading scale.

Britney Spears wouldn't be on the radio if she didn't look like she does.