I feel like I'm dying inside. Sam told me today that she wants to be single. It was like someone dropped a truck on me. It was a total shock. I've never felt this bad. I mean, she's like my 'everything.' And now I just don't feel like I have anything. I don't mean to sound this way, but, you know. I'm not searching for pity. I just need to spill out my frustration and hurt (only three people read this anyway).

I kept asking her why. She wouldn't give me an answer. She says she doesn't know. I think she does.

I'm thinking that maybe she just wants some space for a while or something. Just to hang out with friends and be herself. And that maybe we'll be a couple again. She said that she still wants to talk to me all the time and that she still loves me and all, but I think she just said that so I wouldn't feel as bad. I don't know what else to say, I just feel depressed as can be.

Jason and I went to see Star Wars (8/10) and Spiderman (8/10) the other day. We stayed for the first showing, then saw the second.

I still feel horrible. I was with her for almost 2 years. I haven't talked to her for a few days, now. She never called back after we hung up around 6pm the day after her birthday (May 16). She never called back. I've been trying to keep my mind occupied. I've watched movies, read, talked a lot with my dad, other things. I realize now how much of my life she occupied. That's why it's so hard, I suppose. She was a large part of me, and that part is suddenly lacking.

One thing that helps me cope is the fact that millions of people go through this all the time. If I were younger and less mature I would probably see this as a unique case—surely no one has ever felt this bad! But I know that people go through things that hurt them much worse than this. Most people go through many relationships and trial and error boy/girlfriends. My first serious attempt didn't work out, and that places me within 99.6% of the population.

When you experience this type of hurt and sadness, remember that you're not unique in this, and that it will pass.

Maybe I shouldn't have devoted so much time to it.

There are endless questions I could ask myself, but that does no good. Time to stand up and continue.

I'm still pretty sad. Since Sam and I parted ways I've been doing just about everything to get my mind off of it. Jason and I have done things, and I've gone other places and done all sorts of things. Not much to do late at night, though. I've watched about every movie I have. I rented Hot Shots Golf 3. I like it a lot. I've read books. I've drawn. I even went fishing.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.

Maybe this is a good thing. Was it better that it ended? Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be, in whatever way you'd like to interpret that. Better things may be ahead. Someone who will truly love me as is supposed to be.