Because girls asked me to. Isn't that always the way?

The Internet allows for lots and lots and lots of conversation. A great deal of it is limited to nonsense, but there are opportunities to talk with others about important things. A few nights ago, I was in a chat and the topic of capital punishment came up. We said a few things about it briefly, but topics quickly shifted to breasts, hockey, sandwiches, back to breasts, and then hemorrhoids. So lately, I've been thinking about fundamental opinions a good bit. What does this idiot mean by fundamental opinions? There are probably better and more appropriate terms, but I mean those opinions that really define a person. My favorite color, choice of condiments, or my stance on neckties probably doesn't tell you as much about my character as what I think about abortion or the death penalty. One thing I've been thinking about a lot recently is homosexuality. I know, I know.

I used to think homosexuals, gay men especially, were dirty, horrible people with no values or redeeming qualities whatsoever. "Their only basis for that lifestyle is lust," you might have heard me say when I was younger. I didn't like gay people; I probably said they were stupid and gross. Part of the reason for that opinion was Christianity. But as many followers of a religion tend to do, Christians knead the words of the Bible into whatever they want. Some totally forbid homosexuality; others fully accept it and welcome them. As a boy who grew up around Christian people, my mind, emotions, and personality were molded as such. I didn't have a choice—it's all I knew how to be until I reached an age when I was able to understand alternatives. (But usually by that time, the religion is pretty imbedded and hard to analyze objectively). To be honest, my opinion wavers. The Bible says this, it says that. My mind, my heart, my intellect says this, says that. The Bible condemns homosexuality, but the examples are poor. We're talking about a patriarchy (Hebrews), of course, so any man who acted in a feminine way put a blemish on the others and the community. Act like a man, for Christ's sake. Another reason gay sex was abhored was because sperm was thought to be the sole carrier of life—the woman was merely the place for incubation (thus masturbation was wrong, too, and both were just as bad as an abortion). The Bible seems severely out of date. Everything, especially the Old Testament, is off and completely ridiculous in the face of modern science. I'm speaking of things that the Old Testament labels as unclean (certain animals, bodily fluids, etc.) and acts that it comdemns as sins (having sex during menstruation, masturbation, and so on). I am not arguing against the existence of God, or even his influence on the men who wrote the Bible. It is just apparent that customs and beliefs thousands of years old, which go against the knowledge of today, are currently ruling our lives unjustly. I believe in God, but I also believe in the high probability of Man screwing up whatever God wants. But, in a lot of ways we've given up the Old rules—we use birth control, let women lead in the church, and so on. Society as a whole has moved closer within the last decade to accepting homosexuals as normal citizens. Is this for the best? I don't know, I'm not one of them. As for me personally, I have learned that I don't want to shun, chastise, or mistreat them in any way. Even if I were to come to the conclusion that I disagree with the lifestyle, I would treat them as people. The teachings of Jesus affected me greatly. One of the primary ideals I take away is love—help, forgivness, acceptance of all as fellow humanbeings, "brothers". This is to include sinners and those we disagree with especially because they are likely to be in the most need of love. Those Christians who condemn and toss out those who they deem sinners aren't helping anyone. Let's get rid of hypocrisy.

That really didn't get me anyhere, other than stirring my thoughts. So let's talk about abortion! If I had to just say my opinion in a most simple way, I don't like it. I've read and seen what happens when a fetus is aborted, and it seems wrong. There are the issues of conception, periods of gestation, and the like. Right now, my opinion is that, like I said, it's wrong, period. I know that it's bad that a woman who is raped must deal with a pregnancy, but doesn't the child have a right to live? When I think about it, part of me draws back in disgust. I mean, would I want to live knowing that my father was just some guy that raped my mother; that I was the result of a crime, not of a loving, married couple? What if the child and mother have HIV? Or the child will be mentaly retarded or have severe physical problems? All of these things make a decision extremely difficult, and there are lots of other possible situations and arguments. I don't know if government should decide, either. I don't think the federal government should, at least.

And now for a more brief overview on other issues.

Capital punishment. I've never been able to decide on this one, and I still can't.

The Second Amendment. I think citizens should be able to keep guns, however I don't think automatic weapons should be permitted. Unless I have a band of ninja invading my home, I don't need an AK-47. I know that when I eventually have my own house I'll want a gun to defend my wife and possible children.

I believe that we have a duty to improve the world. We owe it to ourselves, our children and future generations.

Taxes should be relative to the taxpayer. I shouldn't have to pay the same taxes as Bill Gates. He should have to pay more, he can afford to. If I were wealthy, I wouldn't mind paying more in taxes.

I believe Gore won the presidency and should be in the Oval Office right now. Well, maybe not right now. It's pretty late.

I think that following a certain political party no matter what is stupid. If you're a Democrat or a Republican, that's great, but know what your party and its people are doing before voting a straight ticket without thinking. Parties change, ideas change, but the politician doesn't. Don't let them fool you.

Homelessness. I have pity for all those who are homeless, regardless of the reason. Jenn helped me to this opinion with her strong assurance that all homeless people deserve their fate. Her reasoning is something like: all people have the opportunity to work, and so I won't have any pity for those who don't. OK, what about the cycle of poverty? And all the other things some cannot change without help? Anyway, as a Christian, I believe in helping everyone, even those I'm against, if they need it. (Of course there are exceptions.)

Euthanasia. I'm not sure. Sometimes I can understand why it would be an option. But still, I believe in the value of human life. If a person is surely going to die a long and painful death, I don't have much of a problem with it. If someone's life is ruined because they lost all brain capacity or had all of their limbs burned off, I also have less of a problem with euthanasia.

I'm only nineteen years old. I'm still a child, basically. My opinions on some of these matters will probably change. I'm just writing them here on my site now so that I can point people to this page like I wished I could've done the other night. Plus, when I'm fifty it'll be interesting to see how I thought as a young man. I actually do still feel like a child sometimes, especially when someone of equal age shows superior knowledge of politics or anything when we're discussing our opinions. So, I guess I want to say that I know I'm no expert on anything. These are simply my humble explanations of my thoughts and ideals. I'm not trying to convince you of anything, other than maybe tolerance and understanding.

And I'll end this with a quote, just to be common.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
-Voltaire

We've learned to fly the air like birds, we've learned to swim the sea like fish, and yet we haven't learned to walk the earth as brothers and sisters.

When people ask what I want to be and why I'm in school, I usually say something like, "I want to be a teacher." You see, this is partially true. I can see myself as a teacher. In front of a middle or high school class, talking about history or English. But there's a problem. Right now it's the onlything I can picture myself doing. Now, this is either very good or very bad. Either I'm called to teaching, or I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing at all. Dear Lord, I hope it's the former, because I've already wasted one semester.

It would feel strange having people and children refer to me as Mr. Hathcock. I think I'll let them call me Brian.

Today is her birthday, and I had to spend it with her on the phone. Oh well, some things can't be helped.

I've been thinking of transfering to the University of West Florida. Sam's family lives in Pensacola and I might even be able to live with them while I'm in school. This is all in the air right now as I explore options, but it's fun and exciting to think about.

My brother is finishing up the fourth grade. I've noticed that so much emphasis is put on results and standardized tests like the end of grade, or whatever, that students are doing little information processing. They're storing it, but not elaborating much, or thinking abstractly in unique, creative, practical, useful, expansive ways. The educational system is not teaching children to think, to really learn. Learning is not simply knowing information; it's a much deeper process that really involves the individual and society as well.

At least that's what I think.

Getting a certain number of points, or earning the best grade in the class doesn't reflect learning necessarily. Neither does receiving that bonus for your class having a certain mean score on the EOGs. I agree that something needs to be done about education in America, but I bet it'll be a while before we really see a difference. Once teachers are paid what they're worth, I think we'll see some actual improvement.

Players only love you when they're playing.

Applies to anything; sums up everything.

I heard this the other day while flipping channels. It appeared to be some sort of show about fashion. I think it was E! and I think it was said by an effeminate male. This was all followed by a picture of a black man in a blue hat and God-knows-what-else. These things combined to form the following:

AHHHHHH SFJCAEHZP XUBFVJIJIEOFIDK DQUOOSJC JSD AIGJSDIJF IJCDSJHISHVHWEUIJH IWJHSFDKJ GSKDVS KGVGHGJDKJVKLSDHGIGSJ SDKJSGHGJAGKJDS KALHG GHREGHGYASPVYHPV FFFFFFFRRVVVTTTTT XCVNKSNGIO WEHG OS DNVS

After I woke up, I watched the E! channel for the rest of the weekend.

That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive.

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around—nobody big, I mean—except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.