We had graduation practice today. Linsey Lentz stole some money from Natalie. Good grief. Ha, I remember when Andrew and I both liked Natalie at the same time, way back in 7th grade. We referred to her as "Mary Poppins" because we thought of her as perfect. We first talked about that on the bus ride home during some field trip. We were stopped somewhere and we started talking about it as we waited in the bus. Anyway, after graduation practice we all went to the park. Taylor and I put on a little show (wrestling). Everyone gets a kick out of that. I fell in the creek for show. Near the end, Dana dragged me away from the group and yammered on about her petty problems. She'll probably read this if I ever get it put on the web but I don't care. I guess I shouldn't say that. They are real problems to her. I tried to help her as best I could.
On the way home, Sheri and I began organizing a spur-of-the-moment party. The plans ended up being for everyone to meet at my house sometime after dark. Sheri was going to bring the "supplies", which I, of course, took no part in. Matt Thomas over heard us and eagerly invited himself. After the buses let all us seniors out and everyone else had left, Sheri and I kept talking for a while in the parking lot. We felt sorry for Matt, having been a social loner all these years, so we didn't really mind him coming. Anyway, after that I went home. Shortly thereafter Allison and Keri came by to set up two tents. I helped them do that. They weren't here long, maybe half an hour.
At 6pm Jason and Sommer were having a "party" at her grandparents' house down near the lake. I got there early. Xeng's band was rehearsing when I pulled up. I went in and chilled with Jason and Sommer for a while before everyone else got there. There wasn't that much to it. Taylor, Andrew, Keri, Dana, Natalie, and a bunch of others were there. Andrew had on his goatroper shirt. I complimented him on that. We all just stood around and talked. We got tired of that after a while and went to sit on the lawn and listen to the band. It eventually became dark and I left early to go make sure everything was straight at my house.
Everyone was here by 11:30pm. Matt Whitmore showed up. A lot of people showed up. Matt Thomas' mother brought him. We had a good laugh about that. Thomas was here. He drank two 40s throughout the course of the evening. He was really getting wasted. He referred to fireflies as "electric flys." He explained that there weren't that many bugs back in Germany. When a bullfrog croaked he nearly died. It scared him. He may have been acting, though. He said the bush was talking to him. It was pretty funny. But maybe most of that funny was his accent. He and Allison did something last night but none of us is sure exactly what.
Josh and Justin showed up, too, after a while. Josh is still far too young to drink, so he didn't. Believe me, I checked him several times. Yeah, everyone else is too young, but 14 is waaaaaay too young. Andrew showed up with Tommy and Taylor. He was smoking a cigar, which surprised me. After Taylor downed about 34 Zimas he went a little nuts. He went home, got on this little paddle-powered water craft, and spent great energy and time to paddle his way from his dock to my house. Then, he had the crazy notion to take the party to the island, which is about a football field from the edge of our property. He made one trip with that little boat thingy, gave up, and drank somemore. You gotta love Taylor.
After everyone was plastered and settling down, Andrew and I walked up to the house, leaned against a car and talked for a good long while. After that it was well after midnight, and I was tired as heck because of the long day. So, I went down and checked on everything and then went in and fell in my bed.
Jason rapped on my window two hours later. I went outside. The sun would be up in about fifteen minutes. I went down to the lake and tossed about twenty bottles into the lake. I hated to pollute, but I couldn't have my parents finding them. Everyone got up and left after a while, because Andrew and I had to be in Albemarle at 8am for Mrs. Nichols' car-washing thing. We shouldn't have gone because he and I were the only ones to show up, other than her. So, I went home and slept all day.
Just to make it very clear: I drank nothing.
For some reason, during the night and after I went to bed, I kept thinking about love. I'm worried that I'll never find it. I don't think I'm worthy of love. I certainly have no confidence in my appearance. I know a person isn't loved for that, but let's face it--it's very important. I don't think anyone could ever love me. I'm too weird.
I wonder if anyone has ever been attracted to me. I've never known anyone to be. This leads to paranoia. What is so wrong with me, I think sometimes.
I'm sorry for being whiney, but sometimes that's the way.
I just want someone to be with, to share experiences, emotions, secrets, silent moments. Stop laughing, I'm baring my soul over here.
I'm going to regret posting this later.
Jason and I went to see Gladiator today. $4.25 for a bargain matinee ticket. It was really good . We went by On-Cue as well. I bought "Blue Skies, Broken Hearts...Next 12 Exits" which I have been meaning to get. I also bought the movie Idle Hands, which is so stupid that I actually liked it . Plus, Jessica Alba is pretty hot.
Jason, Sommer, and I went to Concord Mills today. We saw Road Trip. Despite Tom Green, it was fairly good . I liked it, anyway; it's a silly, stupid teenager movie, which is what I was in the mood for at the time. I also bought a Pennywise shirt.
Carlyn and I went to Albemarle this morning. Among other places, we went to Top Dollar, a pawn shop on Main Street. They have a deal in which you can buy ten movies for thirty dollars, so I took advantage of that. One of the movies I bought is The Deer Hunter, which I've been wanting to get for the longest time. I love it. People complain that it's too long and is plagued by an abundance of quiet stretches. I like movies like that—plots delivered in a way that encourage you to think. It focuses on character development as a result of the action, not solely on the fire and loud noises.
I give it .
