Read it. You won't find many better books. The whole "phonies" concept reminds me of my way of thinking, although I didn't realize it until I was reading the book again this time. I think the reason my mind rebels against things is because I have some sort of "phony philosophy" constructed in my head. It's difficult to explain; I just have a lot of doubts about the integrity of most people. I think that's why I don't like many people, why I judge when I don't want to be judging. I think I let the worst examples, which gain the most attention, become primary models in my mind. I know that's the wrong way to do it, but it's very easy to do, at least for me. For example, politics, in which I used to be interested. However, I found that many members of our political arena aren't worthy to lead anybody, because they can't even lead themselves properly. I grew weary of our polity. This is a disadvantage to me mostly, because I let bad examples represent an entire system. For another example, the news. After years of watching the news, it would be easy for anyone to see our society as hopelessly absurd, selfish, and self-defeating. That's what I've done. Good news takes a backseat to office scandals, murders, molestation, racism, obesity, pollution, hostage situations, drunk drivers, rape, daycare abuses, celebrity affairs, hypocrisy of all sorts, and so on. So when I meet people, it's easy to assume they're flawed without remorse. I know this isn't the case for some. But it's one of many reasons why I think about "phoniness"—one of many reasons why I wish I could live at the edge of misty mountains, between old rocks and trees, with nature and God.
Anyway! I feel as though I shouldn't be this way. In some way it seems lazy. I shouldn't just use biased evidence or secondary sources to judge something, especially to castrate an entire society or culture. At this stage in my development, though, I like to have things proven to me; faith in anything other than God is difficult for me. That seems to be the message sometimes: Don't Have Faith In People. Trust only in yourself. If you want something done right, do it yourself.
However, there is another quote: If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others. Hmm, makes me think. Am I just as bad? Probably, in other ways. Everyone sins, everyone is flawed. However, there is one thing that separates, and separates by a wide margin. And that is, there are those that sin, and those who sin with guilt—those who want to do good, make up for their sin, try to help others, and add to humanity. I'm not a noble, self-sacrificing person. I'm no knight; I lack the upstanding virtues. However when I'm mean, judgmental, apathetic, gluttonous, condescending, or whatever, guilt finds me and I try to hold myself accountable. Generally, I want to be a good person. But my temper gets to me sometimes, and sometimes I overlook my morals and hastily do something "bad." But, I ask forgiveness of anyone offended, including God, and try to make up for my wrongdoing. Again, please don't take this as back-patting—I'm just trying to explain my views, spilling my thoughts, and attempting to tell you that I simply want to be a good person. And that I wish all others did, too.
Maybe that's why I like the story of A Christmas Carol so much. And Groundhog Day. Redemption makes me happy.
It's late and I'm tired. I should stop writing before I say more stupid things.
